The economy is tanking.
My poll numbers are, too.
There’s protesters outside my door
All saying they’ve been screwed.
The Europeans hate me.
They call me crude and dumb.
Jim Jeffords left and took my toys
And now I’m feeling glum.
So I call my Dad and ask,
“Have you heard the news?
The liberals are fighting back.
Can I use the nukes?
You promised I could be in charge.
You said I’d be top gun.
You said I’d always have my way.
This isn’t any fun.”
Poppy’s voice was calm and clear.
He said, “Son don’t be blue.
Just stand up straight and ask yourself,
‘What would Hitler do?’
Boy that really took me back
To my childhood years,
When the schoolyard bullies teased me
About my “car door” ears.
And Dad would say, “Don’t worry, Shrub,
About those big old ears,
That low IQ, that stupid smirk…
Just wipe away those tears.
And I'll tell you a story
About a vast empire
Run by someone just like you
It all started with a fire.”
And Dad would talk of Adolf;
He had big ears too.
They said he’d not amount to much
‘Cause he never finished school.
But Adolf, he just waited
Until the time was right
And Germany was desperate
To hear a pretty lie.
He showed those Europeans
And those pinko liberals, too.
He got those evil-doers:
The gays, gypsies, and Jews.
“And so,” Poppy would tell me
“Whenever you think you’re through,
just think awhile and ask yourself,
‘What would Hitler do?”
I thanked my Daddy warmly.
And told him I felt swell
Now all I need’s a good excuse
To blow someone to hell.
I know that there’s no Reichstag here.
Dick said so - it must be true.
But this country’s full of buildings.
Hmmmm… what would Hitler do?
Please note that I'm not the author.