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To those of you that haven't heard by reading the drama over on Laurel's Journal, we have broken up.

I'd like to state for the record that I am sorry it has come to this. I love her dearly and will for a long, long time. I hope she doesn't hate me too much, though at the moment I can't tell. She hasn't talked to me since Thursday without yelling so I honestly don't know what's going through her head. I don't know what was going through her head when she went and talked to my ex. If she feels that she is better off now, then I wish her well.

We have lots to work out in terms of getting our apartment sorted out and the PG&E bill transferred to me solely, not to mention the very lonely kitten in my lap purring up a storm.

I wish I could just dismiss this "damn, I keep going out with the same psycho women..." but this is nothing of the sort. Laurel and I have had some wonderful times over the last year and a half, we simply grew apart and stopped communicating. If things with Corey had been like this, I'd probably still call her a friend. I know I'd like to call Laurel a friend a few months from now. I just wish she could talk to me rationally enough to tell me what she wants.

I hope that the healing begins before anything else for her.

And on my side of things, I'm going to take a cue from swinger_kitten and simply stop dating. Maybe there really isn't anything to be afraid of just because I can't hold down a stable relationship. It's possible that I am simply meant to be single the rest of my life and make my happiness elsewhere. That thought scares me, but I have to admit it's a possibility... and at this stage, a rather probable one. I've been at this sort of point before. After Katie and I broke up after 3 years I was single for 3 years. I don't mean "I only kissed people and slept with them pointlessly." I mean I was single. It wasn't the best point in my life, but far from the worst. I'll go that route for a while. Years probably.

I hope that Laurel takes something good out of the last year and a half. I know I will. And I'll miss you in my life.

Goodnight, and good luck.
-Jay

Comments

swankspike
Oct. 11th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
Ouch. I think not dating is a terrific idea. It doesn't sound terrific when you first give it a go, but it's better than going on random dates with people and getting stuck with someone who you may sort of like, but who doesn't really *fit*, you know?

I quit dating actively about a year and a half ago. Since I moved to AZ 6 months ago I haven't gone on a single date at all. Which basically means that I've spent more time with the people that I really identify with, instead of trying to force myself to like someone that I *don't*. After awhile, you give up on expectations. Which sounds sad, except when you realize that you'll eventually run into someone who really "gets" you precisely because you're not expecting it anymore.

digitalgoth
Oct. 11th, 2006 07:23 am (UTC)
*nods* That's the plan. :) Except I tend to actually actively avoid relationships when I'm at this mental stage. yeah, that means I could miss the "perfect" person for me, but somehow... if they're really the "perfect" person for me, then they'll stick around. or come back.
(Deleted comment)
digitalgoth
Oct. 11th, 2006 07:39 pm (UTC)
I know you're still here and paying attention. :)

I love my friends for it too... Hence why I call them friends. But it takes more than just them being gently with me, it takes them being -honest- with me too. Hence why I still call you a friend, but not Corey.

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