July 17th, 2004

Alienware

(no subject)

7 and a half months and I don't even know what to think, let alone how to say it. More on this subject after I get off of work.
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Alienware

(no subject)

Two steps forward and one step back. Two steps forward and one step back. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

I didn't get any sleep last night. Not a single wink... Ok.. well... maybe a few winks... It's very odd to realize that you have no where to go at 2am when you and your significantly more significant other and you have a tiff. I guess it's not so much odd as it is lonely. Walking through Golden Gate Park at 4am was interesting though, I must say. You certainly hear interesting things/conversations/animals/sex... Very odd.

So a tiff it was. One hell of a tiff. I even slammed the door on my way out into the cold lonely night, without the keys to my brother's apartment where I could have gotten some warm sleep... Wow, aren't I the intelligent one there?

So at this point I don't know what to think, or say. I don't know where things stand because I haven't heard from her. I'm not going to call her because she's probably still pissed at me for being a "big jerk", and for "not calling when I plainly should have", and other... But I'm not going to call because by god, I love her enough to stand up and be my own person and stick to my beliefs. That's a big part of what makes me who I am, and if she says she loves me then I would think that she wouldn't want me to undergo a vast personality change...

I suppose that entire paragraph might even sound like I'm rationalizing it. I really don't think I am though...

I think that it simply came to a head because I didn't back down for once. Because I stuck to how I felt and didn't apologize for something that I believe was the correct thing to do. Sure, I could have been the peacemaker and just succumbed and given up the argument, but for god's sake, I'm my own person. I think that a large part of what makes me who I am is the fact that when I know something is right, I stick to it. When I have hard proof that something is right or true then I stick to it even through an argument or emotional breakdown.

I hope she doesn't stay mad at me for too long. She's been my guiding light out here for 7 and a half months, and I would feel rather lost without her.


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