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You folks ought to be ashamed of how you acted. You ought to be wallowing in the shame for your utter lack of support for someone that was physically and vocally being attacked in your midst. Instead, you folks just got real quiet and watched the drama unfold and let it expand until I was forced to push my way out of the house entirely. I found it even harder to deal with that nobody at all even walked outside to see if I was ok. Instead, you all encircled the attacker and instigator and gave her your support. Nobody except my cousin came out after I came back for my jacket and shoes.

I found it apalling that my girlfriend felt she could do me more good by staying inside and defending me against the very fucking people that ought to have been supporting me in my right to say "I don't want to disucuss that at this party." Sure, one or two of you said that you thought she was projecting her own problems onto me, and they didn't think I had done anything wrong. Ok, great. NOW GO TELL HER THAT. Maybe if enough people tell her that what she did was not only illegal assault, but that it was --wrong--, then maybe she will realize that she did something that she shouldn't have, and might consider not inflicting the same treatment on the next poor hapless soul who happens to decide to stay openminded and respectful of the people that they call 'friends'.

So for my part of things, I stand like so: At least I had the human decency to -TALK- to William and hear his side of the story before condemning him to social death. I immediately regretted doing so, because it turned out that I was the one breaking the news of all of it to him. I completely ruined his night.

Now I ask you a question. You, those of you who have labelled William as a 'rapist', 'asshole', etc. You call yourselves adults? You condemn a man for something that the police don't even believe he did. If they did, there would have been charges. Stop and think about this for a minute. It's not as if he's a hard man to track down. Heck, I'll give you his phone number if you actually want to stop being a close-minded child and talk to him. I'm not saying that she is lying. I'm not saying that he didn't do it. I'm saying that I'm not going to take a side between two people I know, both of whom I considered friends before this. I'm pointing out the fact that none of you even gave him the benefit of a doubt. You just jumped on what she said, and ran with it. Every. single. last. one. of. you.

You should be ashamed.

Comments

fanlain
Mar. 14th, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
On all sides, perceptions of other people's actions are not truth. They are perceptions. The core of the original incident should stay between the two people involved and should have been discussed between those two people. That never happened. The reactions displayed are normal in times of trauma.

Perception:

1. When you left, ppl who didn't come talk to you were not defending you.
2. Either side is right or wrong in their actions.
3. Everyone encircled the girl who was trying to talk to you.
4. I should feel ashamed for my actions.

Reality:

1. I did tell her that you were trying to be fair to both sides and that this must also be incredibly hard for you.
2. I do call myself an adult even if I stayed in the apartment.
3. I also consider you my friend even though I didn't go outside with you.
4. Your wonderful, amazing, beautiful girlfriend is correct: damage control is paramount over choosing sides in diffusing situations to avoid further escalation.
5. I do not feel ashamed for my actions.
6. I did not 100% support any side. Mostly, it's not my issue but I don't like to see all of my friends feeling any kind of pain to this degree.
7. I hope we can all move forward as friends into better directions and support that we're all human and we all have issues to deal with at times.
8. I hugged you before you left because I also know this is hard for you and unfair to you since it's not your issue. And it's hard for her.
9. I don't have a friendship with William not because of the events that I'm hearing about but because I didn't really have one with him before or during or after. I am also not judging him as well.
10. I did not talk to William about his side because I don't see it as my issue. I do know that I have a friend who is deeply hurt, and I want to help her regardless of what happened.
11. If you remap everyone's coordinates, you'll find that's not true. And it also doesn't mean that people automatically were against you. I personally think you did the right thing by walking out if you couldn't talk to her.
12. I talked with your girlfriend when things were going down. I could tell that this was not only hard for her to try to handle but also that she didn't want to further escalate it. And that she cares a lot about you. She probably wanted to give you space and to try to defend/support you in the way that made sense for her at the time. I don't disagree with her actions either. I'm not sure what I would have done if I were in her shoes. It all happened very fast.



*hug*


threadwalker
Mar. 14th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
well said. You rock. :) No worries about him with me- I think that's okay. I didn't get the imprsseion that he was mad at me for staying, so much as that the situation was such with everyone that I thought I should stay for damage control.
fanlain
Mar. 14th, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC)
:O)

I think it's hard b/c no matter what anyone would have done that night, someone would have both interpreted and misinterpreted those actions. And I think when it's good friends involved, the deer stuck in headlights and frozen feet seemed (to me) to be the immediate response.

I don't remember everything I said, but I was thinking about both people involved and how I like both and to me both have good qualities. And I think the situation is hard. Lots of rambly thoughts...
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:34 am (UTC)
:) *hugs* Thank you.

_X
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:33 am (UTC)
Nope. Not mad at you at all.

For that matter, not really mad at anyone except Jill. Just very disappointed and hurt by the 'group think' that happened.

_X

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