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Jul. 27th, 2004

You know how there are times when you are able to explain yourself with such precision that it startles even you when you look back and read what you wrote?

I just had a moment like that:

fanlain said "Give it and yourself time. If she loved you, she'd understand."

To which I quipped:
I don't care if she says she loves me or not anymore, because apparently her definition of love is far far inferior to the feelings that I had for her. This was demonstrated by the sheer simplicity with which she decided to tromp on my heart with a crowbar formed of the words: "I want to break up."

If she loved me, she would have understood, she would have said something else, she would have tried to work it out. I looked at it with one question in my mind; "Do I love her enough to try to work this out?", and my answer was invariably yes. Right up until the moment that she proved irrevocably that she did not love me in the same capacity. If she loved me, should would have shown it by saying something other than "I want to break up."

She can move on with her love, life, and persuit of happiness. I'm not part of it anymore and I wouldn't want to be after the infantile way in which she handled my emotions.

I intend to give myself time. But I've already wasted more time on that particular 'it' than has been needed or apparently even more than was wanted. I'm not going to devote my time to attempting to reconcile with someone like that.


Heather, I hope you're reading this. I know you read the last 2, I have trackers on them.

_X*

* Xander the not so spiteful, but very bitter.

Comments

seaside_ghosts
Jul. 28th, 2004 02:20 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you have a strong definition and recognization of your feelings. I only wish they could have been reciprocated. *hugs*
<3
digitalgoth
Jul. 29th, 2004 07:05 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Are you clairvoyant? Slight case of telepathy?

Get outta my head!

_X

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