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My last 8 months.

Back in November I met a girl at a club. The club was called Bondage-A-Go-Go, and was a weekly event at the venue named The Can Club. We met, quite literally, by bumping into each other on the dance-floor one week. I didn't think much of it at first because when the floor is full of people, you tend to bump into each other every so often. When she and I bumped into each other like 2 or 3 times in the course of a couple hours, I took notice. Those 2 or 3 times became 6 or 7 by the end of the night. Her friend was sleeping with an acquaintance of mine from the club scene. She and her friend left a bit early that night and I told my acquaintance that his 'sleepover-buddy' certainly had a cute friend.

Time Passed.

A couple weeks later I saw this acquaintance at a different club and he informed me that the 'cute friend' was single. I made it a point to go to Bondage-A-Go-Go that week and seek her out. I went, I found her, I completely lost my train of thought when I saw her at first and absolutely couldn't think of anything to say... So I said 'Hi!', kissed her on the forehead, said 'Hi!' to her friend, and then went over to my normal lurking spot at the back of the club. The night went well, I danced a bit, bumped into her again and said something like: "You know, if we keep bumping into each other like this, I might just have to dance with you." She smiled, blushed, and quite promptly bumped into me again 2 minutes later... We chatted a bit that night. Her friend wanted to leave at about 12:30am, and the cute girl wasn't ready to leave yet. I offered to give her a ride home, and lo and behold, she said yes! Her friend left, we both danced for another hour and a half, and then left the club. I drove her home over to the Outer Sunset, we had a wonderful conversation in the car about movies, books, fantasy in general, etc. I dropped her off and the conversation wasn't over yet so we simply continued talking in front of her house for about another 20 minutes. (Little did we know that her mother was watching us from the window upstairs...) She gave me her phone number, I vowed I would call her, and I went home for a nice night of sleep. That was the night of Wednesday, December the 3rd.

Time Passed.

I called her. I had gotten ahold of a couple of tickets to go see Lord Of The Rings, Return Of The King on it's opening night. Since she and I had discussed the last two movies in the car ride home, I figured this would be a wonderful way to get her to go out with me again. :) Miraculously, it worked! That wasn't going to be for a couple weeks yet, so we agreed to see each other at DeathGuild on Monday the 8th. Valiantly, she offered to give me a ride down to the club, and I happily agreed. She picked me up, we had more wonderful conversation in the car, we got to the club, danced a bit, I introduced her to some people I knew, she pointed out some people she knew, we talked a lot. The night went nicely, she gave me a ride home. It was a wonderful first date, and I will never forget the way that she looked up at me and crooked her finger, as if to say "Lean down for a second... I've got a secret to tell you."

They say that you never forget the first kiss, and I'm quite certain that they're correct. I went to bed a very giddy man that night.

Time Passed

She and I hit it off well and started seeing more of each other. The night of the movie came along. This was the night that I was going to introduce her to my family... We all met at my brother and his wife's apartment and walked from here down to the theater to see the size of the line. Decided that we were going to get dinner first, and so walked another block or two over to a nice little Italian place. Dinner went wonderfully, everyone got along famously. It was a time of rejoicing for me: The girl I was immensely interested in got along well with my friends and family! How could things be better?

Time Passed

About the end of January we were lying in bed right before sleep. She said "I love you." I didn't respond for almost a minute, partially from shock-induced speechlessness, partially from the realization that those three words were pretty much what was on my mind as well. I gave the only response I could. "I love you too." She told me later that she was a little surprised to hear me respond with it.

Time Passed.

She went on a week-long vacation in the beginning of February down to Baja Mexico for a whale-watching cruise. She was due to come back on Valentine's Day. The day after she left, I quit smoking. Partially because she was allergic to it, partially because I was tired of it. She came back on Valentine's day afternoon, I picked her up with a rose and a kiss. There was never a sweeter moment than the one that she and I had outside of the Oakland airport that afternoon.

Time Passed.

We went to lots of clubs together. DeathGuild, House of Voodoo, Bondage-A-Go-Go, etc. I met her family. We went down to visit her mother one weekend (and I finally got to meet the woman that was watching our first night). Her mother and I got along, and the girl and I had a wonderful time at Magic Mountain.

You know that feeling that you get at the bottom of a roller-coaster? The feeling that your heart is stuck in your throat, somewhere around your windpipe? It's amazing when simply seeing someone does to you. It's even more amazing to think that they feel the same thing about you.

And it's absolutely heartbreaking to have them say "I don't think that we should see each other anymore. I want to break up."


( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 18th, 2004 11:42 pm (UTC)
oh. i'm so sorry to read this.
if there is anything i can do, let me know. i'm good for hugs and i'm a little short for it, but if you need a shoulder, i'm sure we can manage something.
again, you have my number. let me know if you want to go out for drinks or coffee or just hang out and be friends, sometime.
much love to you.
Jul. 18th, 2004 11:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Jul. 19th, 2004 12:19 am (UTC)
*Really Big Hugs*

While reading your story, I cried. It was so beautiful and I can not find the words to express my feelings about the present situation. I wish I had an explanation, I wish I had magical words to take your pain away, I wish I could do something... even more I wish I could be there, right beside you, and offer you real hugs, honey. You can rely on me if you need anything.

Jul. 19th, 2004 12:20 am (UTC)
I appreciate your hugs more than anything else. Thank you hon.

(no subject) - _sweetangel - Jul. 19th, 2004 12:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 04:13 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 19th, 2004 12:51 am (UTC)
Hey, no editing posts while I'm in the middle of reading them!

Anyway...I'm very sorry man. You have my long distance love and support. For what it's worth.
Jul. 19th, 2004 01:05 am (UTC)
I'm allowed to edit my posts as much as I feel like. Before, during, and after you read them. :P

Your long-distance love and support is actually worth quite a bit. It's nice to know people are still 'there'.

Jul. 19th, 2004 01:01 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. I've recently become single again myself, and it sucked. However, I know that I have more shit to do right now than I can handle, so I'm just hoping this gives me the extra time I needed. Cheers to you, I'm having two fingers of Jameson 12 year thinking of you as I type this.
Jul. 19th, 2004 01:04 am (UTC)
make it 4 fingers at least... then I might notice. ;)

sorry to hear about your recent escapades into the wide world of singlehood.

(no subject) - djsparkydog - Jul. 19th, 2004 02:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 19th, 2004 10:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - djsparkydog - Jul. 19th, 2004 03:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 04:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 19th, 2004 10:02 am (UTC)

Jul. 19th, 2004 07:47 am (UTC)
I'm sorry she feels that way.

(Btw, this is a really nice relationship write up.)
Jul. 19th, 2004 10:01 am (UTC)
Thank you. I wrote it mostly because I felt the need. :)

Jul. 19th, 2004 08:14 am (UTC)
:( i'm sorry..
Jul. 19th, 2004 10:01 am (UTC)
Me too. Thank you.

(no subject) - samuraikitten - Jul. 19th, 2004 10:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 19th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - samuraikitten - Jul. 19th, 2004 10:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 04:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - samuraikitten - Jul. 20th, 2004 07:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 09:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - samuraikitten - Jul. 20th, 2004 09:40 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 24th, 2004 07:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - samuraikitten - Jul. 25th, 2004 08:57 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 19th, 2004 10:16 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about this. If you need to talk, call me. We can get a cup of coffee or somethin' *big hug*
Jul. 19th, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
You'll see me tonight at DG... I might not be the most talkative guy in the club, but I'll be there.

Jul. 19th, 2004 12:34 pm (UTC)
*biggest hug possible from someone as short as I*
I'm so very, very sorry!
you can call me if you need, and I'll see you when I get the chance.
<3 x 10^23
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:55 pm (UTC)


P.S. That comes out to about 1.03144+ * 1028... or: 10,314,424,798,490,535,546,171,949,056... er... 10 million sextillion. :)
(no subject) - hatchling - Jul. 19th, 2004 11:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchling - Jul. 20th, 2004 11:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 24th, 2004 07:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchling - Jul. 25th, 2004 09:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 25th, 2004 03:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchling - Jul. 26th, 2004 01:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 26th, 2004 09:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchling - Jul. 26th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 19th, 2004 01:26 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear this J'. Love can hurt but don't abandon it altogether. See you tonight
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:51 pm (UTC)
Re: :-(
I know love can hurt. This makes the second time in my life that I've given myself completely to someone and had it thrown back in my face. The last time this happened, I was essentially single for 2 years. I'm really tired. Not fed up, not bitter, I'm just fucking tired.

Jul. 19th, 2004 02:27 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stay up later last night with you but I was a little out of it and needed sleep. I wish I'd known, though, I'm always here if you need a hug.
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:40 pm (UTC)
Don't be sorry you didn't stay up... You didn't miss much besides me manically typing away and ignoring the world.

I'll take that hug when you get home tonight though.

Jul. 19th, 2004 03:14 pm (UTC)

Jul. 19th, 2004 08:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

Jul. 19th, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC)
I can imagine that would hurt a great deal. I've always run away from relationships before people get the chance to dump me, and reading that, I feel a bit bad, I hope I never made anyone feel that way. If so, it wasn't intentional. Well, *big hug.*

And good luck on the apartment search. I didn't want be in NM either (and as of next month I won't be, YAY!) I'm sure you'll find a place.
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:48 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you hon.

If you're not going to be in NM next month, where are you going to be?

(no subject) - ex_sinaesthe204 - Jul. 19th, 2004 09:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Jul. 20th, 2004 04:09 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 19th, 2004 04:24 pm (UTC)
Terribly sorry to hear this, I wondered where you had run off to the last few months, and now I understand, and am even sadder.
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I appreciate more than anything else just knowing that people send me virtual sympathy.

Jul. 19th, 2004 06:43 pm (UTC)
Such a beautiful story with such a sad ending... I'm sorry. *hugs*
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you, for both the comment and the hugs.

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