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"And God said..."

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And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach; green and yellow vegetables of all kind so man and woman would live long and healthy lives.

And so Satan created McDonald's, and McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent cheeseburger. And Satan said to man; "You want fries with that?", and man said "Super size it.", and man gained a few pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan introduced chocolate, and woman gained a few pounds. And God said "Try my crispy fresh salad." and Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained a few pounds.

And God said "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables, and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried-steak so large that it required it's own platter. And man gained a few pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable-tv and the remote control so man would not have to toil to change between ESPN and ESPN2. And man gained a few more pounds.

And God said unto Satan "You're running the score up. Damn you." And with that, God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming over with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. Then to up the ante, he brought forth sour cream dip.

And man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan said, "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
draco_insygnus
Feb. 9th, 2004 03:33 am (UTC)
The post hilarious...the picture disturbing.

"And Sim Ronan saw all that he could eat and said...Behold"
randomeep
Feb. 9th, 2004 06:07 am (UTC)
Where did you find this?
digitalgoth
Feb. 9th, 2004 08:36 am (UTC)
Re:
The picture or the words? From different places, but the picture is linked directly to the URL on http://www.orkut.com/album/3/866/5866.jpg ...

_X
randomeep
Feb. 9th, 2004 08:12 pm (UTC)
Re:
the words
digitalgoth
Feb. 9th, 2004 10:13 pm (UTC)
Re:
avatarofblood
Feb. 9th, 2004 06:45 am (UTC)
if its one thing that could make me even happier its deep fried puppies
fanlain
Feb. 9th, 2004 07:23 am (UTC)
nnnn0000000000000000000000000!!!!

save the puppies!
save the puppies!
save the puppies!
save the puppies!
save the puppies!
save the puppies!
save the puppies!

:O|
digitalgoth
Feb. 9th, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
Re:
But...
But...
Doesn't that give a whole new meaning to the concept of 'Hot Dog'?

_X
bsittler
Feb. 10th, 2004 12:36 am (UTC)
Re:
"hush puppies"

(as in cornmeal and mashed potatoes, deep-fat-fried))
ex_sinaesthe204
Feb. 9th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC)
My mom gave me that joke back in my dieting days. I've since given up on dieting and figured, hell, do I really want to live past that massive heart attack? ;)
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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