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You folks ought to be ashamed of how you acted. You ought to be wallowing in the shame for your utter lack of support for someone that was physically and vocally being attacked in your midst. Instead, you folks just got real quiet and watched the drama unfold and let it expand until I was forced to push my way out of the house entirely. I found it even harder to deal with that nobody at all even walked outside to see if I was ok. Instead, you all encircled the attacker and instigator and gave her your support. Nobody except my cousin came out after I came back for my jacket and shoes.

I found it apalling that my girlfriend felt she could do me more good by staying inside and defending me against the very fucking people that ought to have been supporting me in my right to say "I don't want to disucuss that at this party." Sure, one or two of you said that you thought she was projecting her own problems onto me, and they didn't think I had done anything wrong. Ok, great. NOW GO TELL HER THAT. Maybe if enough people tell her that what she did was not only illegal assault, but that it was --wrong--, then maybe she will realize that she did something that she shouldn't have, and might consider not inflicting the same treatment on the next poor hapless soul who happens to decide to stay openminded and respectful of the people that they call 'friends'.

So for my part of things, I stand like so: At least I had the human decency to -TALK- to William and hear his side of the story before condemning him to social death. I immediately regretted doing so, because it turned out that I was the one breaking the news of all of it to him. I completely ruined his night.

Now I ask you a question. You, those of you who have labelled William as a 'rapist', 'asshole', etc. You call yourselves adults? You condemn a man for something that the police don't even believe he did. If they did, there would have been charges. Stop and think about this for a minute. It's not as if he's a hard man to track down. Heck, I'll give you his phone number if you actually want to stop being a close-minded child and talk to him. I'm not saying that she is lying. I'm not saying that he didn't do it. I'm saying that I'm not going to take a side between two people I know, both of whom I considered friends before this. I'm pointing out the fact that none of you even gave him the benefit of a doubt. You just jumped on what she said, and ran with it. Every. single. last. one. of. you.

You should be ashamed.

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
netan9el
Mar. 14th, 2005 02:16 pm (UTC)
*hug*
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
...

Thank you. It's always odd to see comfort coming from some corners where I really wouldn't have expected it. Thank you.

_X
threadwalker
Mar. 14th, 2005 03:05 pm (UTC)
Hugs.

Not running out after you was a combined decision of damage control and thinking that you could use a moment alone first. When I saw Ben go out after you when you stopped in for your coat, I opted for damage control for a bit, then going out to see you. Would have gone out if he hadn't. Wouldn't let you sit with that alone for any longer than that. Was glad to see that someone else was looking out for you.
phyxius
Mar. 14th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
*hug*
I miss talking to you! IM me when you get a chance.
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
Re: *hug*
*hugs* Okee!

_X
whiskeypants
Mar. 14th, 2005 03:36 pm (UTC)
although i'm not letting your friendship with william color my opinion of you, and i never would, my immediate reaction for being told i ought to be ashamed of myself for believing my friend is a big "fuck you."
you don't get to tell me to be ashamed of myself for that. and if you ever try to my face, our friendship will be over. that's not a threat so much as a protection of who i am, my own experiences in this life with abusive men, and the fact that i care about jill and where she is coming from.
it is true, i was not and am not and will never be friends with william and so i can honestly say i don't give a damn about him. so i'm not going to call him and ask. if you think that gives you some kind of moral high ground, so be it. we don't ever have to talk about it again, and in fact i would prefer not to, because i do value your friendship.
i just have to tell you how this post made me feel.
threadwalker
Mar. 14th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
I think he was mostly talking about the people at the party last night where a minor a-bomb went off. I don't think you were on that list, honey. I can understand the reaction though.
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Mar. 15th, 2005 04:24 am (UTC) - Expand
vara_design
Mar. 14th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
woah. O_o woah. i have NO idea what is going on-but i hope everyone is ok....i've never even heard of these accusations toward william. sounds like everyone needs to back off everyone. gah. drama.....argh. sorry. if you need to talk, just let me know.
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:35 am (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you. I might take you up on that. Glad to see that you're feeling better too.

_X
paisleychick
Mar. 14th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC)
Nobody except my cousin came out after I came back for my jacket and shoes.

Am I nobody? I came out after trying to calm her down, but didn't get very far with you and felt pretty helpless. I'm sorry that this shit has hit the fan in such a public and traumatizing manner. This whole thing is really really triggering for me and difficult for me to deal with so I'm sorry if I haven't been as supportive as I could, but I feel like I'm in a very awkward position. I wish *none* of "this" (going back six months) had ever happened, but I now have to deal with the problems as they are and it's tricky, to put it mildly.

I have not spoken with William to get his point of view because I believe her. I was with her on the phone a lot while she was dealing with this and being an abuse survivor myself, although nothing as life threatening as her experience, I believe her. Ultimately it is her word against his, but there's also police reports which back up her story. I saw the marks on her body. You are a friend of William's and I get it that you wanted his point of view before you made up your mind. I respect that, but I don't agree with your conclusions.

You condemn a man for something that the police don't even believe he did. If they did, there would have been charges.

IIRC, with rape cases, the police won't press charges unless the victim presses charges. If the victim doesn't press, they drop it. They figure they have bigger and better things to do. IMO, if the victim knows the offender, frankly they'd rather not get involved. She hasn't pressed charges yet, but it looks like she's building up the courage to do so.

I understand you're angry, hurt and pissed off. You have every right to be. But, I don't like being preached to. You're no better, nor worse than I. We are all just human.

::hugs:: all around

This whole situation is awful, just awful.
digitalgoth
Mar. 15th, 2005 04:26 am (UTC)
*hugs* No, you are not nobody. Far from it.

_X
fanlain
Mar. 14th, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
On all sides, perceptions of other people's actions are not truth. They are perceptions. The core of the original incident should stay between the two people involved and should have been discussed between those two people. That never happened. The reactions displayed are normal in times of trauma.

Perception:

1. When you left, ppl who didn't come talk to you were not defending you.
2. Either side is right or wrong in their actions.
3. Everyone encircled the girl who was trying to talk to you.
4. I should feel ashamed for my actions.

Reality:

1. I did tell her that you were trying to be fair to both sides and that this must also be incredibly hard for you.
2. I do call myself an adult even if I stayed in the apartment.
3. I also consider you my friend even though I didn't go outside with you.
4. Your wonderful, amazing, beautiful girlfriend is correct: damage control is paramount over choosing sides in diffusing situations to avoid further escalation.
5. I do not feel ashamed for my actions.
6. I did not 100% support any side. Mostly, it's not my issue but I don't like to see all of my friends feeling any kind of pain to this degree.
7. I hope we can all move forward as friends into better directions and support that we're all human and we all have issues to deal with at times.
8. I hugged you before you left because I also know this is hard for you and unfair to you since it's not your issue. And it's hard for her.
9. I don't have a friendship with William not because of the events that I'm hearing about but because I didn't really have one with him before or during or after. I am also not judging him as well.
10. I did not talk to William about his side because I don't see it as my issue. I do know that I have a friend who is deeply hurt, and I want to help her regardless of what happened.
11. If you remap everyone's coordinates, you'll find that's not true. And it also doesn't mean that people automatically were against you. I personally think you did the right thing by walking out if you couldn't talk to her.
12. I talked with your girlfriend when things were going down. I could tell that this was not only hard for her to try to handle but also that she didn't want to further escalate it. And that she cares a lot about you. She probably wanted to give you space and to try to defend/support you in the way that made sense for her at the time. I don't disagree with her actions either. I'm not sure what I would have done if I were in her shoes. It all happened very fast.



*hug*


threadwalker
Mar. 14th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
well said. You rock. :) No worries about him with me- I think that's okay. I didn't get the imprsseion that he was mad at me for staying, so much as that the situation was such with everyone that I thought I should stay for damage control.
(no subject) - fanlain - Mar. 14th, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Mar. 15th, 2005 04:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Mar. 15th, 2005 04:33 am (UTC) - Expand
datamoon
Mar. 14th, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
to stay w/your boyfriend or not to stay...hmm...that's sometimes hard. i dont know what all she did, but dont be tooooo hard on her for that, sometimes its hard to know if someone wants you to go w/them to comfort them or if theyll push you away & just want to be alone. i still dont always know which my bf wants.

and as a woman, who's been an "abuse surviver" of various sorts, i still think its good of you to be open minded toward two ppl you know. if someone is enlisting your aid & support & youre friends w/both, well, youd have to know both sides in order to just say you wont be the other's friend anymore. or stay out of it. i dont see how you could take one person's side & still remain the friend of the other in something that serious.

now, i know that girls sometimes lie, & so do men, & it's hard to know who's telling the truth, who wants attn, what really happened, so on & so forth...the same things you know that make you want to not take sides. & youre right. unless someone confesses to doing wrong, you are right. so just remember that in groups of ppl, there will always be those that want to create or be a part of drama bc their normal everyday lives arent exciting & cool enough for them...& you already know what to expect from those kindsa ppl, so dont be surprised at the stupidity of "group think" when you go to your next party.
tcharazazel
Mar. 14th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
Heheh, that's a good one, "group think." I may have to borrow that, considering I'm having to deal with so many sheep now-a-days.
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 15th, 2005 10:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - digitalgoth - Mar. 15th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 15th, 2005 10:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 15th, 2005 11:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 15th, 2005 11:46 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 15th, 2005 12:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 16th, 2005 07:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 16th, 2005 09:41 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 16th, 2005 09:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 16th, 2005 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 17th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 17th, 2005 07:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 17th, 2005 08:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datamoon - Mar. 17th, 2005 09:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - threadwalker - Mar. 15th, 2005 12:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tcharazazel - Mar. 15th, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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