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Oct. 19th, 2004

From today's e-mail grabbag:

How to Speak about Women and Be Politically Correct

* She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
* She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
* She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
* She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
* She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
* She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
* She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
* She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
* She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
* She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED
* She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
* She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
* She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
* She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
* She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
* She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is MAMMORALLY SUPERIOR.
* She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

How to speak about a man and be politically correct

* He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
* He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
* He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
* He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
* He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
* He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
* He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He has a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
* He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
* He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
* He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
* He doesn't UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.


I was amused for a minute.

_X

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
datamoon
Oct. 20th, 2004 11:03 pm (UTC)
...yea, but just for a minute
sorsha_malorius
Oct. 21st, 2004 03:52 am (UTC)
awesome ;-)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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